If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m a talkative person. It’s no secret that I enjoy a good gab session – even with my three month old daughter (she loves to gab too!). My husband, Carlton, he’s the quiet one of the bunch. I’m always blabbing about something. I don’t even need company. I talk to myself in the car, at the store, I’m talking to myself right now.
With maturity, I’ve learned there’s a time and a place for conversation and sometimes it’s good to zip your lips and shush your soul (check out my blog about quiet time here). One of my most recent, and probably most impactful lessons, has been when to speak up and when to be silent in my marriage.
As I’ve said before, Carlton is the quiet one, but he’s never required me to change who I am to accommodate his personality. I actually think we complement each other well 🙂 As a wife, I’m my husband’s biggest cheerleader! I’m the first one (and sometimes the only one) to see his successes and his failures. I can tell when something is bothering him, and I always celebrate when he’s overcome a challenge!
One thing I try to do as a wife is consistently support and encourage my husband. Whether we admit it or not, we all need to hear that someone believes in us! I strive to make sure Carlton knows that every day!
There was a particular time when my husband was stepping outside of his comfort zone, toward a new endeavor. I made sure to tell him how proud of him I was and how awesome he was going to be. I probably told him every hour (I live a life of excess).
Later (60 minutes later), when I checked in with him, I asked how he was feeling about the situation. That’s when he told me he was more concerned with letting me down then actually failing. I was shocked! I knew that my husband cared about my expectations, but I didn’t realize that by being so vocal, I was actually putting more pressure on him!
I’m not saying that we should be silent partners, Hebrews 3:13 says, “Encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,”” We certainly need to encourage and praise our husbands daily. But be mindful of how much weight your words bare on his shoulders. That way, if things don’t go as hoped for – he doesn’t feel too embarrassed to come back and share his disappointment.
Encouraging my husband without speaking too many words required some creativity. Here are a few ways you can let him know you’re still in his corner without being overbearing.
Cook His Favorite Meal or Pick Up His Favorite Treat
The saying is true, “A way to a man’s heart is through is stomach.” I haven’t met a man who doesn’t like a home cooked meal or who won’t readily indulge in his favorite treat! If your hubby is preparing for a big meeting or facing a long to-do list, surprise him with something delicious! If he asks why, just say you noticed how hard he’d been working and you think he deserves it. This way, he feels appreciated and your actions aren’t directly associated with the outcome.
Write Him a Love Note
Your husband might not be the mushy type, but trust me, they enjoy knowing they are your one and only – that’s why he married you! Next time your hubby is gearing up for an interview or preparing a presentation, slip a love note somewhere unexpected (but also somewhere that he’ll find it). You don’t need to go into a long speech of how proud of him you are. You can just say “thinking of you”. This little reminder will stick with him and he might feel a little more confident knowing you’re hoping for the best!
Pray for Him
We should be praying for our husbands daily, but, let’s face it; every day isn’t perfect. It’s easy to get caught up in tasks and chores and forget to pray. You may have the best of intentions and really want to pray for your husband but totally forget. It happens. When you see that he’s having a struggle or is up against the unknown, the best thing you can do is give the issue to God! And he doesn’t have to know you prayed! Ask God to give your spouse peace, wisdom and guidance. You don’t have to pray a long drawn out prayer (unless you want to). But when you do pray, believe in your heart that God hears you, have FAITH!
Proverbs 3:13 says, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding”. Ask God to give you wisdom regarding how and when your husband needs encouragement. We’re all tailored differently and we all depend on our spouses to know and understand our needs. For me, I had to learn when Carlton needs to hear my words and when he needs my actions instead.
Proverbs 3:13 also says that once you get wisdom and understanding, you’ll be blessed! We all need God’s blessings on our households, our marriages, and our family’s! Our men face alot outside of the home. Likely, more than he shares with you. We all want the hand of God on the head of our family. Seek God, pray for your husband, encourage him, and get creative!